I have been through a lot and it will crush your heart if I told you what it is but I haven't hurt anyone but I have been hurt quite badly. What is making me get out of the lurch is music. I owe it EVERYTHING and coming here to escape.
I know mate. And we like that you come here to escape. But I'm gonna be honest, I've been getting rather fed up with every thread I open talking about how everything is going to shit, even when the topic has nothing to do with it whatsoever. It's been causing me to avoid stuff. This post above here (about growing the crops) tells me that there is a bit of brightness starting to dawn in you again. It's a good sign. In the end it's all a matter of perspective. And which perspective you take is a choice you make yourself. There are many shit things in the world and you have been heavily focusing on those, which causes you to be blind to the many good things in the world.
Try to shift your focus more to good things. You are already using music (which is generally considered a good thing) as an anchor. Try to branch out more. "Train" yourself to recognize positive things. You could even try that with something which you consider to be horrible and negative. Step outside your box and find an angle which can be considered positive in that horrible negative thing. It doesn't have to be positive from your own perspective. I'll give an example.
I've applied for an internal role at the company I work for. I know that one other guy has applied for the same role. There is only one role available. If the other guy ends up getting the job instead of me, I'm not going to be disappointed. Because this other guy has been working at the company in the same position for about 8 years now. He's a really lovely guy, just can't stop smiling and cracking jokes at every occasion. If he gets the job, I'll be happy for him. It'll mean tough luck for me, but ah well. He probably deserves it more. I've also applied for another internal role, that of leader of the team I'm currently working in. If anyone else but me gets that position, I'm going to be mighty mighty pissed. I am quite obviously the ideal candidate for this role, but I have a suspicion that "the company" is going to look at things from a different perspective. That's because "the company" are a bunch of morons who don't know how to effectively manage the job which needs to be done. I've learned that my application is apparently with the manager of my manager and that is not a good thing, because I suspect that she doesn't quite like me very much. Anyway, I digress. So I strongly feel that I should be getting this position, but at the same time there's quite a good chance that I won't. If I don't, I'm gonna be pissed off beyond recognition. But I would be able to find a positive angle in this. Because if that happens, I'm gonna be very actively looking for another job and I'm gonna be out of there as soon as possible and leave that shitty company behind me, which is a positive thing, because I'll finally be leaving that dead end job behind me and go on some kind of new adventure. I don't even care much what, even if it is at the Subway around the corner. If I do get the job though, that is in itself a positive thing, but I know that the task I would face would be damn near impossible to do because the predecessor didn't have a clue what he was doing and basically let everything go to shit. But then, this presents a true challenge which if successfully navigated may be considered a true accomplishment, so that can be seen as something quite positive.
You find a hundred dollar bill on the street, you're gonna feel happy you found it. Would you instead feel bad that someone else is missing out on their hundred dollars? I think not. But perhaps one should. If I would see the bill fall out of someone's pocket I would alert them and give it back to them. (unless I would know them to be a complete and utter asshole perhaps) But if there is no way for me to know to whom that bill originally belonged, it'll be going straight into my pocket without any concern.
A couple of months ago, I found an iPhone 7+ on the street, pretty much in front of my house. Some people would keep it for themselves. Some people would try to sell it. I chose to try to return it to its rightful owner. I spent my entire Sunday trying anything I could possibly imagine to find out to whom the phone belonged. Eventually, when I was trying the last thing I could think of which was a real long shot, I suddenly caught a break and a friend of the owner called. From then on, it was still a challenge but I was starting to make progress. But I ended up sitting in a fucking phone store for hours waiting for the rightful owner (who was "already on her way") to show up. It was utterly ridiculous. I can tell you that no one, NO ONE but me would have done that. Anyone else would have been like "fuck that, fuck you, I'ma do my thang". Not me, I successfully completed my mission of returning the phone. But man was I miserable. The owner was barely thankful even. But I did a positive thing. The end result was positive for the owner.
Yesterday I just walked out of work and on the other side of the street I saw two guys coming out a door and starting to run along the street. They were both wearing hoodies. One had a scarf covering his face and they were both wearing gloves. That looked rather suspicious, particularly because it wasn't cold enough to be wearing a scarf or gloves. I walked over to where I though the guys came from and I wasn't sure which place it was but it must have been one of three doors. I went into the pharmacy first and asked if everything was alright. They didn't have a clue what I was talking about. Then I went two doors down, opened the door, and a guy came up to me and asked me to wait because he had just been the victim of an armed robbery. Obviously I was in the right place. The reason I went looking is because I wanted to make sure no one was hurt and in need of help. The guy was physically okay, just a little shaken up from being robbed at knife point. There were other people on the street who noticed the suspicious activity, but no one else chose to have a look. I'm not sure I could have lived with myself if I would have just walked on and then later found out that someone died there who might have survived if someone had come to have a look sooner.
Life as a human is all about making choices if there are any and accepting circumstances if there is no choice. You can either choose to do a bad thing such as committing armed robbery, or you can choose to do a good thing such as checking whether someone requires help. Likewise, you can choose to take a negative perspective or a positive one, it really is just a matter of choice. Is the glass half full or half empty? If the glass is half empty, is that a good thing or a bad thing? If you're waiting on the glass to be empty so you can use it for something else, it being half empty can be a good thing because you won't have to wait as long as for a full glass. Then again, if you need that glass for something else and you're looking at it thinking "geez there's still half a glass to go, this is taking forever", then you won't be happy about it. Perspective, perspective perspective. Perspective.
When I was a kid, I found a nest like that in my grandmother's backyard and I thought they were bees too. One of them even landed on me and did not bite. But her dog was attacked by them and the city sent somebody out to remove the nest. They also found others under the eaves of her roof and another under a garden bench. The giveaway is that paper nest.
